As the days are turning into weeks and months of me trying to sort my university degree and fee's, the stress that I am choosing to get my 18 year old self into thousands of pounds worth of debt when im not even sure what I actually want to do with my life is slightly.. drowning. Too dramatic? maybe. But I am a worry wart. Always have been.
You see, taking a gap year means you have given youself a whole year out of the education life you have always known to think about things in your life that are not education-related at all. It is a new and amazing, freeing world. It is sucking me into all the wonders of the world and scaring me to going back to being so tied-down again.
Gap years. They teach you how to get a job, how to pay your own bills (though admittedly I dont have many), it gives you the opportunity to earn REAL money with no skill worth 9k+ a year worth in student finance loans. It gives you the chance to explore the world and who you are and what you truly wants, it makes you realise that you have always been brainwashed into thinking education is happiness. What I have learned: THERE IS SO MUCH MORE out there to be offered. There are other ways to get Big Money to get that Fancy Car and that lovely family House. There are other ways than one straight route that boxes us completly in to usually 1 job for the rest of your life.
But. I am not stupid, I know the practical and real life world education is the key to success. But it is so incredibly hard to see that when in less than 1 year I have done so much more than in 17 years before-hand, mainly that is because of the freedom of becoming an adult, but much of it is because I have had no course-work or study stress. Since July of 2014 I have been on 2 holidays (and two more coming up!), been to 2 festivals, done a backwards-caterpillar bungee jump with my most favourite people and learned how to finance myself for the first time ever aswell as having the opportunity to buy my family gifts I could never before. My job in Oxford street has enabled me to meet so many multi-cultured people from around the world and learn so much from everyone i meet there.
This gap year has truly taught me to welcome new poeple into my life instead of hiding, it has enabled me to let go of people not meant to be in my life instead of trying to force it to work. It has inspired me to start a scrap book of all things (I am the least creative person you'll ever meet) because I am just SO HAPPY at this new lease of life and freedom. My outlook has done a complete 360 in just a few months...
I have done so much thinking in this gap year that my head is actually hurting, and I am only half-way through. I am half-way through and it feels like I have done an entire life-time of learning. I have gotten into 3 universities to study a course that sounds pretty perfect for me. I have everything I want in my future education, expect the lack of motivation to follow through.
Of course I know the end result: I will go and probably spend the next few years wondering if I did the right thing. I initially regretted not going to uni last year and I dont want to feel that guilt again.
As you can probably tell, I am a very indecisive person.
I'll keep you all updated whilst I clear my head.
Lots of love, J xxx
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